Dating boundaries - How far is too far?
What I am discussing here is about physical boundaries in dating, the most debated topic with the most potential to stir up a controversy among Christians.
Me and some friends were discussing about how far we should keep our physical boundaries in a relationship. One person would say lip kissing would be the maximum limit, another would say hugs, or even the saddest, one would admit that it's okay to do sexual intercourse as long as their partner is certain to be her/his husband/wife in the future.
Talking about dating boundaries, what is a boundary? and why do we have to have boundaries while dating?
I would say this doesn't apply only for people on dating period, but also for the singles.
One thing you have to keep in mind is that boundaries are not created to make you feel like you are covered by walls or barriers, it is not to limit your freedom, but instead, to keep you under God's radar within a healthy relationship.
Wonder why most relationships fail? They didn't have enough solid boundaries to secure themselves. The relationships didn't build out of strong foundations, and values, and principles.
1. It defines who we are - by having boundaries set for ourselves, it reflects us for who we are in Christ, it defines our identity as son/daughter of God, and as our partner is able to accept our boundaries, means they respect, value for who we are, and they surely should be able to hold the same principles.
2. It gives us freedom - You have the relationship boundaries that you have committed to follow, and as there is no one between you both ever want to break the commitment (that's why it's important to ask your partner-to-be what they appreciate/respect as dating boundaries), you and your partner are very free to express yourselves in another way, and able to remind each other regarding to your sexual commitment.
3. It saves us from unwanted trauma - Trust me, nothing touches more than physical intimacy (okay, other than emotional intimacy). Once you have reached this stage (with your partner), then you realized you both were not meant for each other, those physical intimacy you have experienced with him/her will leave a great trauma. Not to scare you, but it will require so much process and time to heal. That's why God told us to keep it within marriage, to save you from emotional entanglements.
First and foremost, men and women, you should understand of how much a difference we are! (and how we think!) Gonna be a super long article if I have to discuss it under one title. I promise to come back anytime soon with this topic!
The way men think is so much more complicated than we know (Which I assume only most wives know, and applies only if the husbands are willing to be open about this!)
This is an honest expression from a friend of mine;
Difficult for me to define how far a couple must go.
After some chats and books, I came into conclusion of my own version of physical dating boundaries that I divided into 3 zones of physical boundaries;
1. The Green Light - a.k.a the safe zone
In this zone, you are allowed to hold hands, linking arms, side hugs, or putting your arm on his/her shoulder, of course, within right amount, in the right timing, right situation, and right place!
2. The Yellow Zone - a.k.a the "be careful not to" zone
In this zone, I would say long, full hug is questionable depending on the case and event. Girls, you might not aware on how your breasts can turn him on while hugging tightly! so be careful. I once went to a seminary where the limit was up until holding hands. Means long hug, cheek/ chin kiss is prohibited. While I put this in yellow zone doesn't mean it is safe! as it depends on the situation, some men might find this alright and won't lead him astray. Be wise.
Lip smacking, I personally want to save the kiss until I'm down on the aisle and blessed officially in church. Lip smacking.. men will find this irresistible. 2 choices;
1) He fantasizes immoral things (but won't harm the woman physically),
2) He will force/ lead her to do further things on bed. I forgot to mention this above, but sitting on laps is also a warning!!
Question to ask yourself : by doing these, are you sure you're able to keep this on the right track without moving on to the next step?
3. The Red Zone - a.k.a the danger zone
No excuse, avoid this.
"But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of sexual impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God's holy people" (Ephesians 5:3)
Reference : "They became prostitute in Egypt, engaging in prostitution from their youth. In that land their breasts were fondled and their virgin bosoms caressed" (Ezekiel 23:3)
Now, you must be thinking, why french kisses are not allowed? "we are not doing sexual intercourse!" you thought.
Girls, once you allow your boyfriend to reach this stage, he will demand more, more than just kisses. You give them room to do sin even more.
Your boyfriend may tell you that it is his way of expressing love, that it is part of his love languages, sort of excuses making it sounds like "deeper form of love".
But is it love? Think about this. You have to give your body to him to get his approval? to call that "love"?
Isn't love that we know is more than just physical? Isn't it about emotional connection?
Because when we grow old later, we won't rely so much on physical intimacy, it's beyond that. It's about the things we talk, the thoughts we share, the mutually interested hobbies we do. In the end, we can do only the "green" zone area, and "yellow" zone, occasionally.
Girls, you really have to control your action. A slight touch of yours can turn him on and bring him to his wild fantasies. You are in control. Your boyfriend won't go beyond your boundaries when you control and stop him. But also, if he respect you as a woman, he won't treat you as an "object".
And boys, who says by never reach the Red Zone means your are pure?
"You have heard that it was said, 'you shall not commit adultery'. But I tell you anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart" (Matthew 5:27-28)
Even though you are very sure that you won't go beyond kisses, can you commit not to imagine immoral things on your mind? She is not your wife, and she might not even yours. You disgraced her. Imagine if other man do the same thing with your future wife? disgusting! you wouldn't want that to happen right? so do respect her. Set a boundaries, commit and stick to that.
Boys and girls, if you are not ready for physical boundaries commitment, don't even think of starting a relationship.
We never know the mystery of how boys and girls think, some are easier to get turned on, some might be able to resist better than others. We can never guess. You can't do lip smacking and assuming he won't feel anything while he's feeling something.
To be honest, what makes sense to me will remain the same, no liplock before marriage, limited to holding hands, occasional hugs, arms on shoulder - The Green Zone. Do I sound too old-fashioned? conservative? outdated? so what do you think is considered as a "maximum" limit we should never cross in dating period? *take your time to think* and make sure you have your reasons.
God has promised us to never give any trials or temptations bigger than what we can bear.
You are in a free-will position to choice, we live with a lot of options! you can choose to not to see, you can choose to not to think, you can choose to not to go. You blame the girls for wearing clothes that are too revealing that it sways your faith? Can we blame you to not shift or control your eyes and thoughts?
"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, .... , and self control" (Galatians 5:22-23)
Self control! Set a standard to your eyes and thought, and heart! Don't allow them to shaken your faith!
Learn from Job.
"I made a covenant with my eyes NOT TO LOOK LUSTFULLY at a young woman" (Job 31:1)
He made a covenant with his eyes!
"For what is our lot from God above, our heritage from the Almighty on high? is it not ruin for the wicked, disaster for those who do wrong?" (Job 31:2-3)
You think that it is impossible? If Job didn't keep his words, he wouldn't have dared to make this statement!
"If my heart has been enticed by a woman, or if I have lurked at my neighbor's door, then my wife grind another man's grain, and may other men sleep with her. For that would have been wicked, a sin to be judged" (Job 31:9-11)
And what God says about him?
"In the land of Uz there lived a man whose name was Job. This man was blameless and upright; he feared God and shunned evil" (Job 1:1)
"Then the Lord said to Satan, 'Have you considered my servant Job? There is no one on earth like him; he is blameless and upright, a man who fears God and shuns evil'" (Job 1:8)
Boys, don't blame your nature, and don't make excuses for this. You saw the real example from Job. Don't worry, the Holy Spirit will warn you but you have to pay attention.
Dear men, just to let you know on how different we are, women won't feel the same way. Even if we see a guy did the same thing, we don't feel turned on even when you show us your skin. And if you happen to see one of our friends (fellow women) who dress immodestly, get out from that hell! you are still at church and got distracted? get out of that room instantly. Look away, and pray.
And dear women, please, please, please be careful and be wise with what you are wearing! you can still look pretty and fashionable by dress modestly.
Some cross-checks :
- Try to minimize wearing shorts (or not at all when unnecessary)
- If you happen to wear dress/skirt, check so that when you sit, the tip on the below of your dress won't be more than 5cms above your knees
- Always remember to cover your cloth/top (around your neck and chest) with your hands when you bend down.
- I would advise to avoid wearing revealing clothes that showing too much skin or even your cleavage.
So, who is at fault?
1. Girls who dress immodestly to attract or to awaken the lust of men
2. Boys who don't try to control what they think or see
Both are at fault.
You might think you were made for each other, you are getting married anyway, you made commitment, why bother to wait until marriage if you can enjoy now?
I believe that physical dating boundaries are not limited solely to the Christians, but also to all of you, the non-Christians!
Why?
1. To prevent you from emotional suffering
Trauma, feeling dirty, denial, blaming one-self, feeling worthless, unworthy, insecurity. Those are few names of painful feelings you have to take the risk to endure if you started it first! Trust me, the consequences won't worth the "temporary pleasure". You will need time and healing process to gain your confidence back, to gain the trust, to accept yourself again.
2. To maintain a healthy relationship with your future spouse
Imagine how hurt it might be for your future spouse if he/she happened to have kept their sexual "purity" for God, and for you, but found out that you have done sexual sin before. If he/she loves like Jesus does, he/she will forgive and accept you. But trust me, it will require God's guidance, love, and struggles for he/she to completely "forget".
I'm saying this not to scare you, but to tell you the truth.
For anyone who is struggling to forgive, you may check my article about forgiving here
You want to save the best for him/her right? and you wished he/she will do the same thing, right?
Imagine how beautiful it is when in the end, when you both committed to stay honest to your physical dating boundaries. How blessed a marriage you have!
3. It will leave a distance between you and God
"If I had cherished sin in my heart, The Lord would not have listened" (Psalm 66:18)
4. Simply because God understands that it feels so good so that He wants you to experience it at the best timing!
That's why it is to be kept until marriage. The bliss, the excitement, such a pleasure to enjoy every inch and bit of it under God's permission!
Fair question. But when you truly admit your sins and repent, The Lord God is so full of mercy to forgive you from your past sexual sin.
When you have committed to accept Him, means to follow and to obey His word, He will forgive and will remember your sins no more.
What you can do is repent, admit, turn back to Him, and promise to never going back to the same situation/pit anymore.
Check my post about Forgiveness to those who have stumbled upon sexual sin here
I really don't want and have no intention to judge anyone, some people, the non-Christians, the non-believers or even Christians might have survived emotional burden even though they have been through the Red Zone, and still feel okay.
Some people, mostly Westerners, or Asian with Western-adapted standards might consider pre-marital sex is okay, they say it is the way they express love.
They admitted that they french-kissed and feel nothing but emotional bonding, they might have done intercourse, broke up and didn't suffer emotional burden.
But are you sure? are you sure that physical intimacy you have built with him/her won't linger on your mind? Are you sure to not even once think "I wish I never did that with him/her" after the break up? That's emotional suffering. And God is so kind that He doesn't want you to experience that pain. But if you insist.. You risk the consequences
Every time you feel contemplated with the thought of whether you should go further on your boundaries.
Think again.
It's easy to assume everything's fine when you see her/him as your potential future spouse, but how about if they turned out as a no? What if you are not meant for each other? what will you feel? She's used? broken? or dirty? if he/she turns out to be somebody else's? will you accept the thought of your future mate somewhere out there is used by another person?
What if she's pregnant before the time? are you ready to take the responsibility? if yes, how will you explain this to your children, believe it or not, they will find out.
What if she has to take the pills to prevent the pregnancy? have you ever thought how much the pills can damage her before the time for her to consume?
easy for you boys, but horror for us girls.
What if your sister is treated in such way? or what if your brother acts that way? What will your parents think about your manner? and imagine if one day your children do this behind you, secretly?
Think again.
I'd advise everyone, before you go into closer step (courtship, dating..) make sure you both have discussed about how far you are committed to go as your physical dating boundaries.
If you are not sure how far a limit you can go, listen to your heart. If you're feeling guilty, unsure, uncomfortable, then stop until that.
What I can conclude is, you can do anything as long as you are comfortable doing that in front of your parents, because "It is shameful even to mention what the disobedient do in secret" (Ephesians 5:12)
if you ask me whether you are prohibited from kissing;
You enjoy kissing in front of your parents? then go ahead.
I hope this long article helps you to contemplate and probably to compile your thoughts.
Much love,
Selina
One thing you have to keep in mind is that boundaries are not created to make you feel like you are covered by walls or barriers, it is not to limit your freedom, but instead, to keep you under God's radar within a healthy relationship.
Wonder why most relationships fail? They didn't have enough solid boundaries to secure themselves. The relationships didn't build out of strong foundations, and values, and principles.
Why do we have to have boundaries?
1. It defines who we are - by having boundaries set for ourselves, it reflects us for who we are in Christ, it defines our identity as son/daughter of God, and as our partner is able to accept our boundaries, means they respect, value for who we are, and they surely should be able to hold the same principles.
2. It gives us freedom - You have the relationship boundaries that you have committed to follow, and as there is no one between you both ever want to break the commitment (that's why it's important to ask your partner-to-be what they appreciate/respect as dating boundaries), you and your partner are very free to express yourselves in another way, and able to remind each other regarding to your sexual commitment.
3. It saves us from unwanted trauma - Trust me, nothing touches more than physical intimacy (okay, other than emotional intimacy). Once you have reached this stage (with your partner), then you realized you both were not meant for each other, those physical intimacy you have experienced with him/her will leave a great trauma. Not to scare you, but it will require so much process and time to heal. That's why God told us to keep it within marriage, to save you from emotional entanglements.
"Dating goes much better when you are defined. When you are clear about your values, preferences, and morals, you solve many problems before they start. For example, a woman may tell a guy she is going out with that she is serious about her spiritual life, and desires that in people she is close to. She is letting him know about something that defines her, and it is out front between them, so that he will know who she is." (and vice versa)
- Dr. Henry Cloud in Boundaries in Dating : How Healthy Choices Grow Healthy Relationships
First and foremost, men and women, you should understand of how much a difference we are! (and how we think!) Gonna be a super long article if I have to discuss it under one title. I promise to come back anytime soon with this topic!
The way men think is so much more complicated than we know (Which I assume only most wives know, and applies only if the husbands are willing to be open about this!)
This is an honest expression from a friend of mine;
"Men are struggling with sexual sin all days, throughout his life. Sometimes the temptations may even appear out of nowhere, when I was alone or with friends, at the office or in the church, while daydreaming or praying, while working or during sermon.
This is so frustrating. Some people handle it well, and some aren't.. Including me"
- Teguh Winantra, a now happily-married man.
So, seriously, how far is too far?
Difficult for me to define how far a couple must go.
After some chats and books, I came into conclusion of my own version of physical dating boundaries that I divided into 3 zones of physical boundaries;
In this zone, you are allowed to hold hands, linking arms, side hugs, or putting your arm on his/her shoulder, of course, within right amount, in the right timing, right situation, and right place!
2. The Yellow Zone - a.k.a the "be careful not to" zone
In this zone, I would say long, full hug is questionable depending on the case and event. Girls, you might not aware on how your breasts can turn him on while hugging tightly! so be careful. I once went to a seminary where the limit was up until holding hands. Means long hug, cheek/ chin kiss is prohibited. While I put this in yellow zone doesn't mean it is safe! as it depends on the situation, some men might find this alright and won't lead him astray. Be wise.
Lip smacking, I personally want to save the kiss until I'm down on the aisle and blessed officially in church. Lip smacking.. men will find this irresistible. 2 choices;
1) He fantasizes immoral things (but won't harm the woman physically),
2) He will force/ lead her to do further things on bed. I forgot to mention this above, but sitting on laps is also a warning!!
Question to ask yourself : by doing these, are you sure you're able to keep this on the right track without moving on to the next step?
3. The Red Zone - a.k.a the danger zone
No excuse, avoid this.
"But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of sexual impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God's holy people" (Ephesians 5:3)
Reference : "They became prostitute in Egypt, engaging in prostitution from their youth. In that land their breasts were fondled and their virgin bosoms caressed" (Ezekiel 23:3)
Now, you must be thinking, why french kisses are not allowed? "we are not doing sexual intercourse!" you thought.
Girls, once you allow your boyfriend to reach this stage, he will demand more, more than just kisses. You give them room to do sin even more.
Your boyfriend may tell you that it is his way of expressing love, that it is part of his love languages, sort of excuses making it sounds like "deeper form of love".
But is it love? Think about this. You have to give your body to him to get his approval? to call that "love"?
Isn't love that we know is more than just physical? Isn't it about emotional connection?
Because when we grow old later, we won't rely so much on physical intimacy, it's beyond that. It's about the things we talk, the thoughts we share, the mutually interested hobbies we do. In the end, we can do only the "green" zone area, and "yellow" zone, occasionally.
Girls, you really have to control your action. A slight touch of yours can turn him on and bring him to his wild fantasies. You are in control. Your boyfriend won't go beyond your boundaries when you control and stop him. But also, if he respect you as a woman, he won't treat you as an "object".
"In order that satan might not outwit us. For we are not unaware of his schemes"(2 Corinthians 2:11)
And boys, who says by never reach the Red Zone means your are pure?
"You have heard that it was said, 'you shall not commit adultery'. But I tell you anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart" (Matthew 5:27-28)
Even though you are very sure that you won't go beyond kisses, can you commit not to imagine immoral things on your mind? She is not your wife, and she might not even yours. You disgraced her. Imagine if other man do the same thing with your future wife? disgusting! you wouldn't want that to happen right? so do respect her. Set a boundaries, commit and stick to that.
Boys and girls, if you are not ready for physical boundaries commitment, don't even think of starting a relationship.
We never know the mystery of how boys and girls think, some are easier to get turned on, some might be able to resist better than others. We can never guess. You can't do lip smacking and assuming he won't feel anything while he's feeling something.
To be honest, what makes sense to me will remain the same, no liplock before marriage, limited to holding hands, occasional hugs, arms on shoulder - The Green Zone. Do I sound too old-fashioned? conservative? outdated? so what do you think is considered as a "maximum" limit we should never cross in dating period? *take your time to think* and make sure you have your reasons.
But that is our nature as a man! we were born like this! with all of these hormones and lusts and passions.. How can you girls expect us to fight our nature?
God has promised us to never give any trials or temptations bigger than what we can bear.
You are in a free-will position to choice, we live with a lot of options! you can choose to not to see, you can choose to not to think, you can choose to not to go. You blame the girls for wearing clothes that are too revealing that it sways your faith? Can we blame you to not shift or control your eyes and thoughts?
"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, .... , and self control" (Galatians 5:22-23)
Self control! Set a standard to your eyes and thought, and heart! Don't allow them to shaken your faith!
"And if your eye causes you to stumble, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to enter life with one eye than to have two eyes and be thrown into the fire of hell"
(Matthew 18:19)
Learn from Job.
"I made a covenant with my eyes NOT TO LOOK LUSTFULLY at a young woman" (Job 31:1)
He made a covenant with his eyes!
"For what is our lot from God above, our heritage from the Almighty on high? is it not ruin for the wicked, disaster for those who do wrong?" (Job 31:2-3)
You think that it is impossible? If Job didn't keep his words, he wouldn't have dared to make this statement!
"If my heart has been enticed by a woman, or if I have lurked at my neighbor's door, then my wife grind another man's grain, and may other men sleep with her. For that would have been wicked, a sin to be judged" (Job 31:9-11)
And what God says about him?
"In the land of Uz there lived a man whose name was Job. This man was blameless and upright; he feared God and shunned evil" (Job 1:1)
"Then the Lord said to Satan, 'Have you considered my servant Job? There is no one on earth like him; he is blameless and upright, a man who fears God and shuns evil'" (Job 1:8)
More reference : Every Man's Battle by Fred Stoeker and Stephen Arterburn
Boys, don't blame your nature, and don't make excuses for this. You saw the real example from Job. Don't worry, the Holy Spirit will warn you but you have to pay attention.
Who is at fault? The man who can't keep his eyes or
the woman who dresses immodestly?
While reading "Every Man's Battle", I am flinched by one statement from a Christian guy (translated);
"I want to be free, but I am so frustrated and angry to the church. The Bible said that women should dress modestly, but they didn't bother. The solo singer at church always be seen wearing the latest fashion model which appeared to be too tight, I stared at them, but what I saw were only their curves and legs. You know that woman whose skirt's slit split up to her thighs? her thighs were seen every time she stepped. I was really mad! Why did they make the condition even worse!"
Dear men, just to let you know on how different we are, women won't feel the same way. Even if we see a guy did the same thing, we don't feel turned on even when you show us your skin. And if you happen to see one of our friends (fellow women) who dress immodestly, get out from that hell! you are still at church and got distracted? get out of that room instantly. Look away, and pray.
And dear women, please, please, please be careful and be wise with what you are wearing! you can still look pretty and fashionable by dress modestly.
Some cross-checks :
- Try to minimize wearing shorts (or not at all when unnecessary)
- If you happen to wear dress/skirt, check so that when you sit, the tip on the below of your dress won't be more than 5cms above your knees
- Always remember to cover your cloth/top (around your neck and chest) with your hands when you bend down.
- I would advise to avoid wearing revealing clothes that showing too much skin or even your cleavage.
So, who is at fault?
1. Girls who dress immodestly to attract or to awaken the lust of men
2. Boys who don't try to control what they think or see
Both are at fault.
"For everything in the world-the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life-comes not from the Father but from the world. The world and its desires pass away, but whoever does the will of God lives forever"(1 John 2:16-17)
Why do we, as a couple should follow that boundaries and
avoiding the yellow and red zones? We love each other!
You might think you were made for each other, you are getting married anyway, you made commitment, why bother to wait until marriage if you can enjoy now?
I believe that physical dating boundaries are not limited solely to the Christians, but also to all of you, the non-Christians!
Why?
1. To prevent you from emotional suffering
Trauma, feeling dirty, denial, blaming one-self, feeling worthless, unworthy, insecurity. Those are few names of painful feelings you have to take the risk to endure if you started it first! Trust me, the consequences won't worth the "temporary pleasure". You will need time and healing process to gain your confidence back, to gain the trust, to accept yourself again.
2. To maintain a healthy relationship with your future spouse
Imagine how hurt it might be for your future spouse if he/she happened to have kept their sexual "purity" for God, and for you, but found out that you have done sexual sin before. If he/she loves like Jesus does, he/she will forgive and accept you. But trust me, it will require God's guidance, love, and struggles for he/she to completely "forget".
I'm saying this not to scare you, but to tell you the truth.
For anyone who is struggling to forgive, you may check my article about forgiving here
You want to save the best for him/her right? and you wished he/she will do the same thing, right?
Imagine how beautiful it is when in the end, when you both committed to stay honest to your physical dating boundaries. How blessed a marriage you have!
3. It will leave a distance between you and God
"If I had cherished sin in my heart, The Lord would not have listened" (Psalm 66:18)
4. Simply because God understands that it feels so good so that He wants you to experience it at the best timing!
That's why it is to be kept until marriage. The bliss, the excitement, such a pleasure to enjoy every inch and bit of it under God's permission!
I was too innocent back then, and I made mistakes.
So what am I supposed to do now?
Fair question. But when you truly admit your sins and repent, The Lord God is so full of mercy to forgive you from your past sexual sin.When you have committed to accept Him, means to follow and to obey His word, He will forgive and will remember your sins no more.
What you can do is repent, admit, turn back to Him, and promise to never going back to the same situation/pit anymore.
Check my post about Forgiveness to those who have stumbled upon sexual sin here
Personally from what I think..
Some people, mostly Westerners, or Asian with Western-adapted standards might consider pre-marital sex is okay, they say it is the way they express love.
They admitted that they french-kissed and feel nothing but emotional bonding, they might have done intercourse, broke up and didn't suffer emotional burden.
But are you sure? are you sure that physical intimacy you have built with him/her won't linger on your mind? Are you sure to not even once think "I wish I never did that with him/her" after the break up? That's emotional suffering. And God is so kind that He doesn't want you to experience that pain. But if you insist.. You risk the consequences
Every time you feel contemplated with the thought of whether you should go further on your boundaries.
Think again.
It's easy to assume everything's fine when you see her/him as your potential future spouse, but how about if they turned out as a no? What if you are not meant for each other? what will you feel? She's used? broken? or dirty? if he/she turns out to be somebody else's? will you accept the thought of your future mate somewhere out there is used by another person?
What if she's pregnant before the time? are you ready to take the responsibility? if yes, how will you explain this to your children, believe it or not, they will find out.
What if she has to take the pills to prevent the pregnancy? have you ever thought how much the pills can damage her before the time for her to consume?
easy for you boys, but horror for us girls.
What if your sister is treated in such way? or what if your brother acts that way? What will your parents think about your manner? and imagine if one day your children do this behind you, secretly?
Think again.
If you are not sure how far a limit you can go, listen to your heart. If you're feeling guilty, unsure, uncomfortable, then stop until that.
What I can conclude is, you can do anything as long as you are comfortable doing that in front of your parents, because "It is shameful even to mention what the disobedient do in secret" (Ephesians 5:12)
if you ask me whether you are prohibited from kissing;
You enjoy kissing in front of your parents? then go ahead.
I hope this long article helps you to contemplate and probably to compile your thoughts.
Much love,
Selina
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