Beyond Forgiving - And for everyone who's struggling to accept anyone's past flaws..

This writing is considered with so much emotion, so many thoughts that I can never be able to express through words.. Please do let me know if you need further talk of if this writing is not helping you.

I was so encouraged to write this article, even at the same time I did feel pressured, I didn't know where to start, I was afraid for not being able to explain this topic in a good, clearly articulated manner. And since one, two, three stories from close friends of mine broke my heart, I have to speak up. I have written a post about forgiveness over past sexual sin here
This is written especially for you who are struggling to accept anyone's past flaws.. I will not force you to accept, I will not judge you for what you have decided for yourself.
But let me explain to you in my perspectives;

I know these insecurities you are facing is becoming so much a burden for you to endure, as..
1. You are afraid to think if your partner will compare you to his/her ex(es),
2. You wonder if you do as well as your partner ex(es),
3. You feel betrayed, especially if you have kept your sexual purity for him/her,
4. You feel treated unfairly,
5. You start comparing yourself with his/her ex(es), often physically
6. You begin imagining things you shouldn't do
7. You wish you had known your partner earlier, or
8. You even wished you didn't make the first move to know your partner deeper
9. You feel that you are overshadowed by your partner's past (living under your partner's past sins)

Trust me, none of these things above should be the measurement to define your future relationship.

Why?

1. He/She has repented. If you are blessed enough to have encountered a Godly man or woman as your partner, 101% is your partner won't compare you to their pasts. They have repented, you know they have struggled so much to even bear their sins, even the thoughts of him/her to ever disappointing you might have killed them for nights.

2. Focus on the future.
Please never, ever measure your love based on your partner's sexual history, you are destroying the real intimacy for ever exchange it merely for his/her past. It's very understandable that you are struggling to forget, but you know, there are more things about him/her worth more than that. You both are trying, pursuing, building even better future anyway.

3. To love now.
Love is to love someone for who they are, not for who they were. I'd advise you to leave them(him/her) if they expect you to become like their "ex". So, really do check, how do they live their life in the present? How do they represent themselves as a Godly man/woman of Christ? as someone who has been made new?

4. No one is right.Truly I remind you again, "none is righteous, no, not one" (Romans 3:10) We have sinned in all aspects.
I will say this bluntly, apart from never done any husband-wife sexual activities, dear boys, how often have you imagine lust on women? how often have you let yourselves be consumed by pornography? by masturbation, by sexual things, by addictions, by idolatry, by the comparing?
"But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart" (Matthew 5:28)
and dear girls, how often have you soaked yourselves in imaginary visuals? by comparing one guy to another guy, or did you do masturbation? or did you even fantasize? and many other things to be listed. and whom do you think have forgiven you for all of your sins?
Jesus did! He has died for you not only to forgive and forget, but to welcome, to embrace, to love you again for who you are and what you were!
Think again, who we are not to forgive our brothers and sisters?
"Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you" (Ephesians 4:31-32)

5. You are creating scenes that won't happen. The trap is you yourself. You are the one letting yourself be consumed and soaked in paranoia of being compared or shadowed by your partner's past. Your partner has hated his/her sin and he/she wouldn't want to live under his/her shadow too! c'mon, you have each other's back, didn't God tell us to love each other? (= become the best supporter for each other)

6. Forgive and forget
Forgive and forget (2F) are not for the sake of your partner only, but for you too! God wants you to heal from your insecurities, forgiving others is not an option but something you have to obey.. how come you admit to love God but you deny to love like Him?
I know forgetting takes time, and never doubt to ask God for His guidance and lead to help you overcome. God knows how hurt it is for you to forget, that's why He wants you to include Him in your healing process.
"Come to Me, all you who are weary and burdened. and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light" (Matthew 11:28-30)

7. Nobody's perfect. We are not perfect. We have flaws, we have sins, we have dark sides of our life, and we have our weaknesses too! To love means accepting God's grace. "Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God" (Matther 5:8). Trust me you are not the only one, they might know someone within their circle who is more attractive than you, might be smarter, wiser, funnier, warmer, friendlier.. you never know. But to recognize our identity in Christ, we should never focused on to be perfect in everything, including to be the first for him/her in bed.
"For we all stumble in many ways. And if anyone does not stumble in what he says, he is a perfect man, able also to bridle his whole body" (James 3:2)

I believe that everyone has their own past that shaped them for who they are becoming now, and you know you love them for who they are now.
One day when you are faced with this situation, just remember that it is never easy for them to confess their sin, they have struggled, thought, prepared, or even lived in fear just by ensuring themselves to be completely raw and honest to you.
Please tell them if you need time to think it over, and please, please never mention about their past in the future, please resolve this thing wisely.

And dearest everyone, please consider this matter seriously. If you are not ready to ever consider your future partner's past sin, or you never want to accept anyone with this condition, please stop, and don't take any further step in any relationship. Take your time to prepare your heart for anyone. You wouldn't want to spend your time getting to know someone and then end up hurting him/her because of your unwillingness to accept their past, because you never know in the beginning, yet you had
his/her heart locked. You are not ready to love like Jesus does. You will just end up hurting anyone.

It will take process and love, You have to include God in the process, and once you can accept 100%, it will be so beautiful for both. And from the process, you both can be shaped to be even better individuals.

To love like Jesus is the most beautiful gift we can ever present to anyone.
I'm praying that anyone who is reading this is rest assured, that God is mending your heart to forgive and forget. He's with you!

Much love,


Selina