Dear ladies.. Guard your heart!

So much easier said than done. I know, right?! I'm writing this in order to remind you ladies all over again and again. We are on the same boat, I'm struggling a lot with this too!

I know, I have read and eaten up so much just theories regarding this situation. So I'm not the right one here, I'm just at least trying to minimalize the risk for you, dear ladies!

So what's the problem here?

You're a left out? you are dumped? you are left hanging? you thought he was good enough until you found out he is not that same person as you expected? I heard you. Just trust me you are not the only one.

Let's generalize (in most cases) girl's most common cycle;

A man approaches her (in whichever way) -> They talked regularly -> They met (either called as a date or just hang out) -> He didn't reveal any intention but he did show attention -> They flirted (showing affection) -> She felt comfortable -> She gave her heart -> She showered him with so much care -> They talked too intense (on the peak) -> He didn't feel the chase anymore -> He thought they won't be able to make it -> He gradually slowed down his pace/ even stopped -> She's disappointed, felt betrayed, and took time for her to heal.

What did we do so wrong?

1. We didn't treasure our heart.

• We, women, are naturally emotionally-driven born. Sometimes we give our heart and feeling away too easily. You knew he was not good yet you gave him your second thought. You didn't want to consider the consequences to your feeling. You just didn't treasure your heart enough.
• "For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also" (Matthew 6:21)

2. We didn't trust God.

• God has already said no, He closed the door for you to prevent you from a heartache, He told you so yet you did not listen. You looked up for excuses, for example "he's not a Christian, but don't worry God, You told me to spread the Word, and I'm doing that to this guy now". You see? You lean on your own understanding.
• "Trust the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding" (Proverbs 3:5)

3. We follow the pattern of the world.

• You thought that was cool to have a boyfriend and you want to have one RIGHT NOW! or, your friends are getting married and people start asking you when. Endless pressure from your parents, your family, your own insecurities, then you began to dating whoever you find "alright" and finally you started rushing God's timing. Marriage is not just about 2 people loving each other. It is a forever commitment, which requires so much time, thoughts, considerations, and deep understanding to create a healthy, God-glorifying one.
• "Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is-his good, pleasing and perfect will" (Romans 12:2)

Tips :

1. Do not feed him!

• If he didn't show you any intention in the beginning, why would you bother to even care? No matter how qualified he is, a Godly man won't left you questioning, you will know his intention. (I will write about characters of Godly man later!) He will made it clear, and upfront.
• So if you notice that he's trying to "follow the flow", you should stop feeding him right now! means, don't let him follow the flow, you may try to control your pace in replying his messages or his call and avoid going somewhere with just both of you until he made his intention clear.
• The more you feed hungry man, the more he will ask you for it, and until he's full, he won't need you to feed him anymore. 
• If he's not making any intention yet;
• Stop talk to him intensely (don't follow his pattern)
• Avoid couple hang out - in group instead
• Stop giving on too much hope - he has feeling too
• Avoid talking things too personal (limit your boundaries)

2. Examine your heart!

• Pray and ask God to examine your heart. Trust me that no one can ever fill your heart's desire other than Jesus himself. And until that, you are not yet ready for a commitment with your love on earth.
• Pray. Sincerely pray specifically for this person and ask God to guide and to lead him. Ask God to close the way if it's not His will. Dear ladies, I want to remind you over and over again that your heart is wayyyyy too precious to be given to just anyone. Your heart is fragile, and takes time to heal.
• I know you can't neither test nor rush God's timing, but you can try to pray in some period of time for this man, and see where God leads you. Listen to Him. (for example, one time I decided to see in a week and God's answering right away, or I may have prayed for a month but took me 2 months to actually realize) 
• "Test me, Lord, and try me, examine my heart and my mind" (Psalm 26:2)
• Pray, pray, pray, pray, pray hard
• Sing and worship
• Bible study and journaling
• Love, trust, listen, discover, learn to know Him personally
• Let God in and shape your heart

3. Guard your heart

• Our heart is responsible for circulating blood throughout the lungs and to different parts of our body. How much for a responsibility! so, imagine if you actually break a part of your heart.. how will it really affect your body? Researchers stated that emotionally broken hurts more than physical pain.
• We are faced with temptations everyday, so be sure to be seriously considering to guard your heart.
• Hang out with your girlfriends (surround yourself with positive people)
• Do your hobbies 
• Whenever you feel tempted, pray hard!
• Listen to good music (click here)
• Study the bible (try to memorize Proverbs 31)
• Writing! (works most for me)

There are so many activities you can try doing, you should explore, discover which methods work best for you so that you don't have to waste your time on this man (who's certainly not making any intention, yet on the other side, he's not trying to wasting his time on you to. Think about this!)

Of course, you might experience hurt during these process. Especially if the man happened to be the one you have set your eyes on to. This is normal. But at least, if you are following tips above, the hurt won't last so long and it might still be bearable (I cried for 1-2 week the most and gradually moving on! take your time "grieving" but don't let it consume you. If it works on me, it will on you too!)

So how about if he broke your heart already, and you can't seem to move on? I'm sharing a bit of my experience here.

Take your time to build yourself up, to deepen your relationship with God, and the right man will pursue. He will know your worth.

Please, don't worry about this. There will be someone in the future God will show you to, and he will treat you with so much more confidence.

(Check my post about how to handle your feeling here)

Dance with God and He will let the suitable man cut in.
Much love,


Selina