How to love

We can love people who are kind to us, who are caring, who love us back, people who are dear to our heart, people with whom we know we have bound with. We can love people we find are worthy to be loved.

But is it possible to love and unlove at the same time?

Can we love the people who have hurt us?
Can we possibly love people who have been broken?
Can we love people who have disappointed us?

Can we love unkind people?

I wish I could answer yes, logically. Hopefully time heals. But this feeling, I am currently facing a situation where I wish I can never "unhate" this unkind person ever again. I wish I can't ever "unhate" this person anymore. So much hatred and bitterness filling me up.

A friend told me, "We always think the person who is the closest to us will love us the most. But, in fact, he/she is the one who has the biggest potential to hurt us the most."

The truth is, we can't ever preventing ourselves from being hurt, disappointed, or offended by people around us. We can't control their action or what for them to say. There will always be opportunities to be hurt. The point is, how do we deal with this?

I have been in a situation where I was unloved, where I need an approval to feel secure. I have also been in a situation where I have to, I have to learn to love the person I never even want to mention ever again in my life.

While reading this, few names might appear on your mind. Your in-laws, your childhood friends, your relatives (aunt, uncle, cousin, etc), your bosses, your managers, your co-workers, your peers, the people around your circle, your ex(es), your neighbor, the people you find uncomfortable with but you are somehow get trapped in a situation where you have to deal with them, the people you saw on social media this morning, and many more to mention.

Love here doesn't mean to have a romantic feeling involved, it's a rather charming word to describe "unhate". You realize you are in that "unhate" situation where you don't have to bring those negative thoughts before meeting them in person, or you don't have to feel ticklish or roll your eyes every time someone mention that person's name. You at least try to open your heart to "love" again, I would say a form of forgiveness.

How to love?

I believe one of the most graceful things you can do in your life is to love and to forgive the undeserved, the unworthy, and the unkind people.

Remember the 2 commands in the new testament? "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength" (Mark 12:30) and "..Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another" (John 13:34)

1. Love the Lord
2. Love one another

I'm feeling the pressure as I'm typing about this. Who am I to remind my readers about the Bible and God's commands while I, myself still have a resentment toward someone?

Some suggestions I'm trying to work on to "unhate";

1. Pray for yourself
Bring all of your worries, feelings to prayer, tell God you dislike this certain someone, tell God literally what you are feeling. Ask Him to heal you, to open up your heart for forgiveness.

2. Pray for them
The hardest thing to do is to pray for that certain people whom you unlove. Sometimes I even think of why should I even bother to mention this name on prayers for the sake of his good.
I realized that it is for our mental health too, by releasing out what we feel toward this person through prayers, we are practicing ourselves to "unhate", we are learning about acceptance and forgiveness.

3. Forgive
Forgive them for whatever they have done to you, I believe you unlove because of what they did. If you can't find a reason of why you unlove this person, then you need to forgive yourself.
"Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you" (Colossians 3:13)

4. Surround yourself with positive things
Write, read, draw, smelling good smells, eating good foods, pampering yourself, talk to positive people, talk deep, talk small, explore new things, learn to love yourself. Take your time to love something.

5. Remind yourself that nobody's perfect
Everyone has their own flaws, and you do, too. As long as you can tolerate their flaws, no need to make it a big deal.
They alone are probably dealing with some problems you don't understand, they are probably not having the intention to hurt you, maybe they just need some time to solve their problems.

However, to love everyone who has hurt you doesn't mean you need to allow them to control you. You can't try you. I believe all of us have the right to choose whether or not we let that certain someone in getting into our inner circle, so don't get trapped in a toxic situation.

You are the one who controls your emotion, you should be wise enough to filter some kind of emotions you are letting to absorb.

God wants to free us from emotional bondage, that's why we are learning to love everyday, we are learning to forgive and commit not to dwell into the same pit anymore.

Easier said than done, right? I'm praying for all of you who are reading this so that your heart will be opened again to "unhate" that person you are thinking of right now.

Much love,

Selina